Weekly Wonder #2: "My Commitment" Volunteer Database from the Clinton Global Initiative

I am sure the Clinton Global Initiative has been given ample publicity in the blogoshpere. What I would like to highlight is the database of volunteer opportunities included within the MyCommitment.org site.

Within what CGI calls the My Commitment 101 Kit is a link to a database that allows one to search for volunteer opportunities by zip code (there are other searches, but the zip code search brings volunteerism close to the reality and doability of home):

[Quote from site] Are you looking for a specific opportunity in your community? Use this form to search our Volunteer Database to find out how teens, groups, seniors and even those looking to volunteer virtually can get involved in their community—once or on an ongoing basis: http://www.mycommitment.org/my-commitment-101/volunteer

I know many of us, me included, have the essence of "I hope to help" floating ever-near. But, we spend more time wishing to help than taking action. The Volunteer Database is a catalyst. In fact, after searching my own zip code, I am not sure I will be able to remain in a state of hoping. The opportunities are now palpable, close. I will now be haunted by the guilt of inaction.

So, YOU....GO NOW....find the people near you who need your help! Again, from the site:

Thank you for your interest in making a commitment to better the world, one act of giving at a time. There’s so much to be done, both down the street and around the globe. We know you want to make a difference, and we’re excited that you’ve decided to come to MyCommitment.org to take action.

Welcome|Get Inspired|Get Informed|Get Started|Stay Engaged

No act of giving is too big or too small. Whether it’s hosting a potluck to raise money for your favorite cause or volunteering with your church group once a month to clean a local park—everyone can give something.

Inside this My Commitment 101 Kit you’ll find everything you need to get started on your commitment, including a database of volunteer opportunities available in communities worldwide, downloadable charity badges to post on your blog or website, 50 tips for improving the world, lists of organizations and groups you might want to join or buy from, and more!

We hope you will invite others to join you on your commitment to better the world and we look forward to hearing your story about giving of your time, of your skills and of yourself.

Happy Giving!

Sincerely,
The MyCommitment.org Team

GO DO!!!

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Someone asked, "Why Blue?"

Someone asked, "Why Blue?"

My answer is two-fold:



Fold 1>>

Prologue by Carl Phillips

If the sea could dream, and if the sea
were dreaming now, the dream
would be the usual one: Of the Flesh.
The letter written in the dream would go
something like: "Forgive me -- love, Blue."

...Carl Phillips from his book Cortege

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Fold 2 >>

The Bluestocking society was an informal women's social and educational movement that came into being in England in the mid-eighteenth century in imitation of a similar - though more formal - movement in France.

Bluestocking is a disparaging term, no longer in common use, for an educated, intellectual woman (wikipedia).

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love,
blue

Favorite Music #1: Something For Everybody: Baz Luhrmann

I am moved by too many albums, songs and snippets to have one favorite piece of music. But, Something for Everybody is one album that never fails to bring a smile.

The most famous song from this album is Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen). KarmaTube has a better description of the song than I could offer (part is from Amazon.com I think):

[Quote from KarmaTube] Described as the commencement speech she would give if ever asked to deliver one, this charming, whimsical music video found its origins in a 1997 Chicago Tribune column by Mary Schmich. Two years later, Australian film director Baz Luhrmann (who would go on to direct the Academy Award-winning Moulin Rouge) set Schmich's musings, virtually word for word, to music. Rumored--falsely--to have been an MIT commencement address given by the author Kurt Vonnegut, the Luhrmann production reached #1 in the UK and Ireland, and became a cult hit in the United States.

Here's the Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen) video (7 minutes):



Everybody's Free is not the only gem on this album. It is full of silliness and wonderful surprises. The music ranges from techno to Doris Day to opera. If you need some music to move, groove and grin by...get this album! Here's the list of tracks:

1. Bazmark Fanfare
2. Young hearts run free (the overture mix)
3. Lovefool (snooper version)
4. Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps
5. Time after time (the S.F.E. version)
6. Che Gelida Manina (your tiny hand is frozen)
7. When doves cry (extended mix)
8. Love is in the air (fran mix)
9. NUTBUD (houseboats of Kashmir mix)
10. Happy feet (high heels mix)
11. Angel (7 inch mix)
12. Os Quindos De Ya Ya
13. Aquarius & Let the sunshine in
14. Everybody's free (to wear sunscreen) mix
15. I"m losing you
16. Now until the break of day (single version)
17. Jupiter (edit) [from the planets]

More from YouTube:


When Doves Cry--Romeo & Juliet Remix (4 min)

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Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps--Doris Day (2.5 min)

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Aquarius & Let the sunshine in (4 min)

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Che Gelida Manina--La Boheme (5.5 min)

On Saying "No!" in order to Grow

Being a Southern Girl (not raised in the South, but of a Southern family, none-the-less), "No," has been instilled in me as difficult. In this case, "difficult" is a multifaceted concept: If one says "no", one is being difficult; If one says "no", one is causing difficulty for others; thus, "no" (particularly, "No!") becomes a difficult thing to say.

As I was doing my recreational scanning of the far too many blogs I have syndicated into my Google Reader, I came upon a post from Wild Moods (http://buddhaandthecouch.blogspot.com/) entitled Saying "No!" (and then, "No, thank you."): The skill of filtering experience by MC. This mini-lesson in the the art of saying "no", within the context of maintaining spiritual/mental health, hit close to home.

I have been, as I mentioned in an earlier post, doing my best to find my way back to a state of mindfulness. As part of this quest, I have endeavored to quiet my constantly chattering mind, particularly any self deprecating dialog. To this end, I had to sit back and examine what situations, people and behaviors triggered this destructive self-talk. What I found was hard to accept: Some of the most positive people in my life (those who made me laugh, got me out into the world, introduced me to connective and humane ideas and activities) were the very ones who triggered me to question my own worth. How was I to separate from the positive in order to avoid the negative? Should I? Wouldn't this hurt? Would more be lost than gained?

I came to the decision that, no matter how much pleasure I lost, the pain was too great to keep. And, since I had yet to gain the wisdom needed to control my own painful internal dialog, continuing to associate with anyone who triggered me to injure my own psyche was simply unproductive and harmful. If the relationships could survive my need for separation, a reunion might be possible, once I was more wise. But, for now, separation was the path I must choose.

So, I have separated myself. A couple of weeks ago, I made some painful communications that left me without the company of those people who made me question my worth.

(An aside: I am purposefully avoiding recounting the content of my self-deprecating dialog. I am healing; I just don't need to go there...)

Since the separation, I have felt better; the voice in my head has been kinder, if not quieter. However, I have questioned whether my path toward gaining this measure of comfort was right. I found solace in the post Saying "No!" (and then, "No, thank you."): The skill of filtering experience. The post recounts this Buddhist tale [quoted text]:

An old Brahman (of the priestly class in India) was feeling threatened by Buddha and his teachings, fearing that he would lose his congregation and income. He decided that the only thing to do was to go to Buddha's monastery split his skull. But knowing that Buddha was skilled at logic, the Brahman decided to not talk at all to Buddha, but just to go and commit his deed.

So the Brahman went to Buddha and approached him while he was alone in his interview hall. The Brahman came shouting and cursing, and Buddha said, "Old man, come sit, tell me your problem."

Here the Brahman steeled his will, wanting to not be swayed from his determination by Buddha's talk. He kept coming, cursing, and Buddha again said, calmly, "Come, sit, tell me what is upsetting." The compassion of the Buddha cleared the Brahman's mind for a moment, and he did indeed sit down with the Buddha.

Then the Buddha said, "Tell me old man, what do you do if someone comes to you home and brings you an unwanted gift?"

"Well, I would not accept the gift."

"Yes, and so it is that you have come to my house, and brought this unwanted gift of animosity--well, I refuse it. You get to keep it and take it away, since I do not accept it." At which point the cloud of ignorance lifted from the Brahman and he saw clearly. "How did you learn such a thing, Sir?" The Buddha smiled: "Sit, observe respiration, observe sensation, observe yourself [i.e., meditate]."

Another way of phrasing Buddha's lesson: learn to say no appropriately. The Buddha, because of his level of development, could easily say, "No, thank you," but being able to use some force and even some anger at the beginning stages is also good practice. Keep good company, think good thoughts, do not invite in those influences which bring you down.

The post also offers this nugget of wisdom:

The path to this simplicity is to learn clearly what actually is toxic to us, and that requires examining ourselves and actually seeing, as if we were scientists studying ourselves, what input connects to what result. You may have ideas about this, but all ideas need to be put to the test if they are to be truly useful.

My insights into what feeds my negative internal dialog are certainly being "put to the test" right now. And, reading this post from Wild Moods gives me confidence that I am doing the right thing to heal and grow. The trouble is...I miss the good stuff about the people I have had to let go...and I'm a little lonely. I am also learning something that is at odds with my choice to separate: When love is real, it does not stop. I very much love and wish I could engage, actively in loving one particular soul from whom I have had to separate. I can only hold the hope that my wisdom grows quickly, and that he will allow me to re-embrace him into my world when I am free of thoughts that trigger pain. Yes, I do feel lonely missing him (his voice, his good stuff). Lonely, but learning...definitely learning.

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Image: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Speaking_with_guest.jpg

Weekly Wonder #1: To Think is Human, an interactive, multimedia magazine

I have determined to discover and showcase at least one site per week that enhances our shared state of being human. I hope to find sites offering publications or activities that promote both introspection and connection. Let us hope my quests are successful and my determination lasts :-).

My first "Weekly Wonder" is To Think Is Human. The online, interactive , multimedia magazine describes itself this way:

No other media covers the past three thousand years of global thought the way we do. We want to make it easy for you to stay familiar with the great minds and incredible works of art that have created our civilization. Eternal wisdom needs to be reviewed and reviewed again; inspirational guidance needs to be constant. That's what we offer. We are certain that you will be happier and healthier if, often enough, you read To Think Is Human instead of the news. And, no one else goes to the great lengths we do to select Passages for you personally -- each of your Issues is uniquely crafted based upon your Ratings and upon your responses to our unique "picture ending" artwork presentation.

As this description mentions, To Think is Human, like Pandora from the Music Genome Project (maybe next week's wonder), endeavors to personalize content based on user feedback. Each post finishes a with set of images. Subscribers are asked to select which image best represents the text and multimedia content, for them. In other words, you introspectively reflect on your experience interacting with the content and select a visual representation of that experience.

Here is a link to the Sample/Free Tour offered as an example of the magazine's passages. This is another sample, from the category Spirituality: The Dhammapada-Gautama Buddha. Other samples can be found through the links near the top of the site's home page.

Though I wish all the conscious-enhancing wonders on the Web could be free, producing quality content does call for cash. From what I have seen, unlike Pandora, To Think is Human is not splashed with corporate advertisements (encouraging). Instead, there is a yearly subscription cost--currently $29.95, including a free T-Shirt. Subscribers receive five passages each week, selected in accordance with their previous feedback.

The publication also has a presence on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/tothinkishuman. Here, you can view an array of videos that are included as part of passages, along with the text and graphic art. Here is an example (well worth viewing):

YouTube Video-Prentice Mulford's Thoughts Are Things

To Think is Human draws from literature, philosophy, mythology, spirituality, history and some politics and science. From what I have seen, editor Tom Lombardo and his colleagues find content that truly reaches beyond the mundane world toward building the internal connection between each individual's mind, body and spirit...and, in turn, that individual's connection to the whole of the human experience.

I won't write on and on about my impression; I will encourage you to have To Think is Human experiences of your own.

Mindfulness & Writing from "Deliberate Inattentiveness"

My kismetic discoveries in the blogosphere continue.

I have been on a personal quest to reconnect with what Buddhists call a state of mindfulness. The short definition might be: Living in the here and now. However, there is much more to it. I am sure I'll soon be visited by words to explain my life-long relationship with mindfulness and they will serve as a post here--more ramblings on my own state of being. For now, I will just say that mindfulness is the human state into which I was born. But, by adulthood, the mindfulness had been ridiculed and punished out of me. Western, at least American, social institutions (schools, families, employers) tend to reject the placidity of mindful people. The mindful ones just don't take things seriously enough; they are not worried enough about the future; they don't show enough fear.

Anyway, today I came across the Guardian Unlimited Poetry Workshop. This site sponsors a monthly opportunity to have one's poetry critiqued by a published author; it is described this way:

Want to have your work reviewed by a published poet?

Every month, our poetry workshop is hosted by a different poet who sets an exercise, chooses the most interesting responses and offers an appraisal of them. That's the hard part taken care of - all you need to do is start writing ...

January 2008 offers a workshop challenge from author Jean Sprackland, rooted in action/motion and mindful observation. This is what Sprackland suggests:

[Sprackland] A few years ago I spent some time at the Tyrone Guthrie Centre at Annaghmakerrig in Ireland, with a diverse group of artists, writers, musicians and dancers. I struck up a friendship with an artist called Joanna Kidney, who was making a series of exquisitely beautiful prints based on her observations of the natural world. Joanna described how she would start work every day by walking with a small sketchbook in her hand. She felt that the very act of carrying the sketchbook made her more observant. Whenever she noticed something, she would stop and sketch roughly for a minute or two without even looking at the page, keeping her gaze fixed on the sky, leaf, water or whatever it was. Then she would turn the page and move on.

I decided to try deliberate inattentiveness as a way of starting poems. Almost all the writing we do in our lives is so careful - and nothing demands greater carefulness than the drafting and crafting of a poem. But that comes later: at the beginning what's required is the chaotic, subversive, irrational yet often brilliantly lucid potential of the subconscious, and to get to that you have first to trick the conscious brain into relaxing its control-freak tendencies.

There's a practical side to this, too. If I'm not writing, and can't write, no amount of time spent sitting at my desk will help, but walking can often break the deadlock. When the poem won't come to me, I must go to the poem.

So after the excesses of Christmas, here's a simple way to cleanse the palate and get writing again:

Take a walk. It doesn't matter where: somewhere new or familiar, urban or rural. Go out for at least half an hour, to give yourself time to relax into it and stop thinking of it as a writing exercise. Have a small sketchbook in your hand, and a pencil.

Whenever you notice something, pause. Look, listen, experience it. Then open the sketchbook and write, carelessly and quickly, for a minute or so. You probably won't be able to write without looking at the page, but do not read back as you write, and neither think nor reflect. Keep focused on the thing itself, and try to let the writing be something that happens, rather than something you're doing.

As soon as the writing stops, flip the page and walk on. Find the next place to stop and write again. Aim to write something on five or six pages before you go home.

Leave the scraps of writing - your sketches - shut firmly in the book for at least 24 hours. Then you can read them (if they're legible!) and start to work with them. They are the raw material for some poetry experiments. You are not obliged to use all of it, and you are allowed to add, change and take any liberties you wish. The important thing at this stage is to move away from the original experience - the walk - and begin to transform the material in some way, however small or subtle.

The challenge continues on, providing instructions for submissions, etc.
Read the complete details for the Guardian Unlimited January 2008 Workshop here: http://books.guardian.co.uk/poetryworkshop/story/0,,2240640,00.html

I am not sure that I will be submitting anything. But, I am sure that what Sprackland suggests is worthy, wise. We could all use to step outside of our incessant minds and travel a path of "deliberate inattentiveness", giving our subconscious wisdom a chance to be our guide.

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Image: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Trees-sky.jpg

The Sand to My Pearl-more on unrequited love

Well, I wrote a few posts ago questioning unrequited love. Since then, I have learned much about myself and the good and bad of my patterns in dealing with the matters of my heart.

First, I had time away from "him"--enough time to allow me to realize that this may be the first time in my life when I have actually been fully aware of each step as I fell down the staircase into love. Previously, I had fallen in lust; I had awakened suddenly in love with no idea how I had gotten there; and, I had done the love at first sight thing (which, in the end, turned out to be lust at first sight...which I am sure "the love at first sight thing", far too often, is--we just mistake it for love because the feeling is so intense, so deep, so good!)

Second, I learned of why the word passion is rooted in the Latin for suffering. I had suffered in love before, but I had never ventured to understand why. I am not sure I actually ventured to understand why this time; this insight was more revelation than investigation.

Last, I learned that just because one loves another does not mean that the connection is a positive one. I learned that I can love, be tortured by love and walk away from the love while still carrying the blessing of loving that other warmly, deeply, beautifully in my heart. In the past I had chosen to stay until the love turned sour, mutated into ugliness.

Oh, and I also learned that just because a person does not do things to hurt you "on purpose" does not mean it is okay to be hurt. I learned that I can accept and forgive without staying close enough to be hurt again...and again. (It is so strange to me that some people can be so beautiful, yet so poisonous...like flowers.)

My most comfortable mode of expression is poetry. I think poems allow me to say things that would be ineffable it confined to conversation or prose. So, below, I offer my take on this ordeal in a poem. But, before the poetry, I would like to say this:

I tend to take full responsibility for the events in my life. I figure how I see things...experience things, feel about things...is a manifestation of the perspective I choose. A small analogy of this might be, "Happiness is a choice." However, I have also come to learn in this strange encounter with love that if another person sparks suffering in my life, that suffering is a result of something they do...their behavior. My choice lies in what I allow to touch me--no blame, no responsibility on anyone's part but my own.

I also think it is worth documenting here that, over the two years I have known this man, I have discovered him. I was blessed with the chance to be aware as each layer of his beauty came to light: his verve, his affinity for humanity, his desire to instill his own dreams in others, his charitable heart. I will always cherish his having been the catalyst for my discovery. I hope to be equally present the next time love comes my way. There is nothing more endearing than to watch another person grow more and more beautiful, from the inside out, right before your eyes.

The Poem:

The Sand to My Pearl

from Sand i learned falling
slowly
eyes wide open
seeing each layer pass
toward the depths of
in love

before i had only known
the quick plunge
into bed
even more quickly wed
then gone

Sand touched me so right
in all the wrong places

i knew love could be
torture
now i know how
to leave the torment
and carry the love
away

Sand scratched
all the old places
where wounds
never sealed
only scarred

Sand taught me to roll
old pain in that womb
where I grow myself
anew
to shine
from behind
wise eyes

the Sand now Pearl
is you


by blue 1/2008

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Image: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:PerlmuttAusst.jpg

Human Birthday Song...Thank the Universe for Silly Friends

Forgive this self indulgent post:

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a joyous, yet odd, day for derivative birthday tunes.

My Mom got me first with verse one from the "Warner Brother's" classic--sung at way too many decibels for 6am.

Next, my "boss" (who doesn't even like me) came bursting into my office with a cacophonous version that lasted too long...aside from interrupting a conversation I was having with one of the tech guys. [That one was a little creepy.]

Then came the silent version via SMS (text message) from my daughter...leave it to teenagers to sing via tiny key stroke.

Later in the evening I got my most precious version from my Grandmother, who sang it like a lullaby with a giggle at the end.

By night fall came the crooner, the deep sensuous tones of my college glee club alumna of a brother. Sinatra could not have put more swoon in the tune....ahhhh.

Finally my favorite, from my oldest and bestest friend. He sang:

Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday to You,
You Look Like a Human,
And You Act Like One Too!

I must have laughed for 20 minutes :-))))

It's the little silly things that make getting older a BLAST!

ok ok I guess you had to be there...LOL....

Be Careful Which Wolf You Feed

This was sent to me by my Mother.
It comes from http://www.ampforlife.com/

The Wolves Within

Most variations of this story are attributed to Cherokee wisdom or Native American legend. Regardless of its origin, we can all learn from its truth of how to deal with our inner struggles.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." .

[This is a reprint not original work]

Spin and Venom

I have not been deeply into politics during this election cycle. I think I overdosed in '04. However, I ran across these two posts on Dorid's Radicula. These are definitely worth the repost.

I am not commenting on my politics here.

I am commenting on the disgusting way in which we, Americans, humans, support and play consumer to a media machine that attempts manipulate us.

And, most importantly, I am bringing forth the sickening circumstance that surrounds the use of spin as a tool to re-enforce religion's rightness.

This post highlights Fox News cooking up lies
This post highlights Christians using spindoctory

Oh, and this is something cool from ONE Vote '08... Compare the Candidates

Okay...Enough politics!

for now....

Motion without Purpose and Petrifying Pedicures

I had the worst pedicure of my life yesterday. Not because my toes were painted badly or because I was injured, instead this was horrific because the young man performing the procedure touched me as if there were no life in him…or in me for that matter.

His hands massaged at my toes, feet and legs as if those hands were automatronic dead fish. And, the experience was as though the automated fish were being flopped about my digits, appendages and limbs as a gift, given by a being who truly believed that dead fish flopping was miraculously sensual for the woman with her feet in the tub.

This young man was performing a perfect replication of the movements done by the female counterpart to either side of him. He even glanced over to watch them, now and again. Yet, there was NOTHING. No purpose. No focus. No exchange between caregiver and receiver…not even the connection of technician to customer.

Just that motion against my skin.

I thought maybe, at one point, the sensation would make me queasy…but, then, I exchanged nausea for curiosity…

What the hell is he doing…and why?

He trimmed at my cuticles as if moving the nippers around the base of my nail while opening and closing was the point, was his purpose…the opening and the closing while following the path was the job to be done…and done with fluidity and style—the occasional twisting of the elbow out to the side to aid in delicately maneuvering around that corner—the metronomic wipe off on the towel to clear way the pared skin—

What pared skin?

Anyway...the lack of purpose or intent...the motion...I have a new understanding of the cliche, "going through the motions".

Had this poor soul never actually had a pedicure? I wanted to see his feet. More fascinating, what other activities may be plagued by this phenomena? What else looks as though it is being done to us or for us but, in truth, is all what it looks likes and none of what it IS (or what it is supposed to be)?

Possibly:

• Cooking (e.g., fast food and pre-frozen packaged dispensaries disguised as restaurants)
• Education (e.g., prefabricated curricula presented by instructors with little or no expert knowledge of the subject matter)
• Romance (e.g., Match.com, speed dating, Internet chat rooms)
• Art, Theatre, Dance (e.g., untrained creators who present images, performances, movements that "approximate"--and/or trained imps who fit a trends of physical attractiveness, but actually possess no innate talent--techno-talented assemblers of pre-programmed graphics who know nothing, feel nothing of the passion that drives true art)
• Medical care (pseudo-nurses...on and on)

Yes, the the list potentially goes on and on. You certainly have some example of your own.

My karmic/kismetic connection with the blogosphere reached, today, into the brick and mortar world. I began writing this post yesterday. Today, while consulting with a surgeon, he mentioned his fear of colleagues who performed the same procedure that is his specialty. He fears their antiquated lack of understanding of the source of the condition--though these other surgeons have accepted that the neo-treatment works, they have never internalized that the reason it works is because what had traditionally been seen as the cause of the particular condition (in this case, chronic pain) was not the cause at all. They perform the procedure as a matter of going through the motions of relieving the patients' pain, but they have no understanding of why it works--which can lead to less than perfect execution of the surgery, in the opinion of the surgeon I saw...and I could see how he may be right.

In addition to grossing me out, the experience of this pedicure has left me petrified, or at least highly wary, of all the things I must rely on others to do for me, all the things I cannot do to, or for, myself.

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Note: Wikimedia Commons Image: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Nagellack11.jpg

Is it moral to indulge unrequited love?

...This is the visage of the angelic-voiced Maria Callas

I'm beginning to believe I have developed a karmic/kismetic connection with the blogosphere. Once again, I was pondering a topic and randomly blog-hopping when I stumbled onto a post that would turn my hushless meta-voice into inspiration for a post of my own. I also believe I have a case of morality-on-the-brain (and I am highly unqualified to suffer from this vociferous affliction).

Please read beyond the disjointed introduction. The post all comes together in the end...as it all falls apart.

Is it moral to indulge unrequited love?

I love someone. I've loved this person for the longest time, lifetimes probably. I only recently realized that loving him was slowly creeping toward the fatal error of "falling in love".

"Well, why not fall in love?", you ask. That sounds like a beautiful thing, a blessing for a new year that is going your way.

Could be, maybe even should be. But this is one of those loves that garners him everything he needs or wants from me, provides me with an infinite supply of charitable karma points--but no tangible rewards, and uses up all of my social energy tokens (leaving me drained of the will to find a real relationship for myself).

Before I go on, let me say this in his defense: He has never offered me anything more than his friendship. In fact we have sort of had "that talk"...the one where he subtly lets me know I do not qualify for anything more. (Good love-puppy! You have defended him at your own expense very well...now get back to the point)>>>

Well, before I get to my point, let me share the beautiful post I stumbled upon:

From PM's World blog (http://peacefulmuslimah.wordpress.com/):

A Woman Scorned: Unrequited Love And An Avalanche 12/30/07

One of my favorite operas is a rare one — perhaps largely due to its competition from the likes of Puccini, Verdi, Wagner and Mozart — or perhaps because its most tragic scene, the finale in which the ill-fated love meets its demise in no less spectacular way than a Tyrolean avalanche is a stage manager’s nightmare. But nonetheless La Wally is the one opera I have wistfully dreamed of seeing once before I die.

The story might remind you of some of the early film classics: Wally, a young Alpine lass runs away to escape the marriage her father has arranged for her with Vicenzo Gellner. She falls in love with a huntsman Giuseppe Hagenbach from a nearby village who is engaged to another, while Vicenzo’s love remains steadfast and uinrequited. In a calculated flirtation to win Giuseppe away from his betrothed, Wally dances with him and allows him a kiss, not realizing that he is toying with her emotions with the full knowledge of the villagers. Once aware, she seeks retribution by sending Vicenzo to kill Giuseppe as a kind of proof of his love. He does so by pushing Giuseppe off a cliff, but upon hearing of the deed Wallly has second thoughts and rushes to the site, where miraculously she discsovers Giuseppe has survived. He recovers and pledges his love for her right there on the edge of that snowy, unstable ravine and just as he sets off to find a path down from the precipice he is overtaken by an avalanche at which point Wally leaps to her own snowy death.

Enjoy Ebben? ne andrò lontana by Maria Callas
[my addition of a YouTube link in place of PM's embedded (for space)...you should listen, it's captivating].

Starting Over with My Unrequited Point

Is it moral to indulge unrequited love?

My point is to ask if there is something selfishly over indulgent about letting another human feed off your energies--your generosities, your belief in and love for that other?

In my case, am I encouraging another being to take without the grace of giving in return?

Let me frame this by saying that I am not talking about reciprocity. This kind of giving, giving to indulge my own love interest, is not giving that begs for reciprocity--at least not in the tangible sense of the word. This is giving that seeks to bolster the other, without thought for favors done in return. (Though it most certainly may seek love-returned, even if not consciously.)

What are the karmic implications of fostering taking? Even if it is self-generated, what is the implication of helping another drain you?

Is this just the sewing of a future karmic nightmare for you both? You because you failed to love yourself; the other because they take advantage of what is given.

My switch to the proverbial "you", away from addressing myself and what I am doing, lets me know I have no answers to these questions. Maybe someone else can offer input.

I think the immorality is almost certainly my own.

I'll leave this topic to rest...at least for now.

My Truth About Quitting Smoking (or the moral war on smoking)

A good "new year" topic:

Okay...I have quit. But, as I am sure is true of many quitters, I find myself inexplicably drawn back toward what I know is more than a bad (i.e., deadly) habit.

I wonder if I'm drawn back toward smoking by its shear social unacceptability.
Am I drawn to smoke because I am "not supposed to" smoke?
That would be so typical of my perpetual adolescence.

Anyway, in the midst of pondering this issue I accidentally ran up on a blog post (via a link from one blog to another...sorry I don't remember the original blog I was reading...I will see if I can find that post and offer credit).

Here is the found post:

From Corporate-Alien Blog by George Lunt http://corp-alien.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html

Second Hand Smoke, A New Perspective

The take-no-prisoners war on smoking has been raging for several years. Local governments don't want to ban cigarettes entirely because of the revenues gained from taxing them. They've banned smoking in indoor public places, now they're hitting the outdoors. I don't smoke, so the fate of cigarettes will not affect me. I am worried that, when they've taken the issue as far as they can, they'll need to find something else to ban. Coffee, maybe?

The current argument to make the environment smoke-free, is to tell us how dangerous second hand smoke is? Frankly, I don't buy it. Here's my article containing my observations concerning smoking.

(I would also recommend reading the article by Mr. Lunt)

What I have to say on the issue

Like Mr. Lunt, I wonder what is next. Let's see, in the past decade we have had (in no particular order):

• The moral war on porn
• The moral war on drugs
• The moral war on sex education (if not sex itself)
• The moral war on homosexuality (longer than a decade)
  [Hooray for my friends who have made this one into a fashion statement & tv marketable life style!]
• Friends don't let friends drive drunk
  (I personally have no problem with this one...you?)
• The moral war on works of art and other creative expression
  (with the exception of popular music...am I j/k?...no rhetoricalness, that is a real question)
• The war on the homeless
  (am positive this one makes absolutely no sense, we could have built housing for what we've spent on jails and mental wards...sheesh)
• And now...The Moral War on Smoking

I guess we...society, humans...need something to get our gussies up about.

Maybe I am subconsciously drawn back toward suicide-by-smoking as a weapon against the apathy I feel creeping over me.

The next question is: Does the apathy come with aging...or cause it?

The State of Being Human version 1/2008

Well, it is the first day (or just past the first day) of the year 2008. For some reason the first thing that has caught my attention in this new year is blogging. Hmm, is it blogging, the need to be heard or just the need to hear myself? I may never know.

I am sure, however, that this is something I have started, tried, abandoned and retried before. I can only hope that this time it will stick.

I have attended leadership training, spiritual explorations and therapy sessions: all of these suggesting that "journaling" can be helpful/therapeutic/enlightening. I could use some kind of (any kind of) helpful enlightening therapy I can find. And, something, (maybe wisdom, maybe reconciliation) tells me I will find these cures only within myself. After all, I am, as we all are, trapped in the isolation of the collective called Humanity.

I am trapped in The State of Being Human.

So, may I find something to say to myself that will have some value for both of us, writer and reader together.